A serious conversation with my fucked up mind or
a dialogue with the parasite.
I observe myself feeling completely thrown off by a single comment about my oh-so-big-thighs.
It hit my sore spot. Instantly into the wound. It does have nothing to do with the person who said it, despite the fact that it’s obviously even more painful when that very person is your mom.
But then again, aren’t moms your greatest critic? No dummy, it’s you and only you!
That comment wouldn’t have caused any chemical reactions in my body, if I wouldn’t give a shit about it. Wake up. No one wants you to suffer right now, except you! You are insecure about that part of your body, amongst a loooot of other parts, and it was just that moment, after you had like what — 20 conversations in your mind since this morning whether to wear this or that for your run (because running has had the biggest impact on your belly fat and legs so far, fatty!). So that people would think “Wow, she and her thighs look like they belong to a professional runner!”. And as if that’s not already sad af — at home again, you’re still debating what to wear, how to sit and how to hide those unloveable spots. Cmon! When you can’t let go for a minute of holding so tightly onto “looking perfect” while being at home..(!!!), gal then you’re fucked up. Your mind is fooling you and you just trapped into the bait. Congrats. Carry on and you will forever keep those beliefs close to your heart. Until that one day where you gonna suffocate from all that suppressing shit that you give yourself.
It could’ve been a nice walk, some gooddam quality time w your mom. Since you and I were, again, thinking about love languages etc last night and came to the conclusion that your mom and you are sharing the same love language: quality time. (How beneficial! Better understanding and communication you think? Nah..)
But you let your foolish mind and heart fell into the trap, like a naive fish, that is controlled by his emotions: hunger and greed. Irrationally, seeing, only what will feed him right now and joyfully take a big ass bite. Just to feel pain in the end.
Your food that nourished your self pity? Her comment. “You should find a way to exercise to get smaller thighs.”
